On trrack

well i've lost 2 pounds in 4 or 5 days and im prettty happy if i keep this up i will reach my goal and be skinny by summer. I already know what outfit im going to by as soon as i'm skinny! i'm really happy but i still have to work very hard because im still fat as hell! I gotta lose 48 more pounds then bam! i'm hot :)

Broken!!

my cat was thought to have broken his leg last nigt when he fell 20 feet but just messed up his hip. I was upset and having a panic attack and soo worried about my poor draco. I'm staying home today to nurse him back to health. i'm very tierd and didn't sleep well and im pretty sure my manic ness will end very soon

well day three :)

i've worked out for 40 minutes today and got my zumba so i should be set although i kinda fucked up but thats on something else............it's really rough for me to think about getting into the art high because i feel parinoid as ever and now i can't focus at all

I hate myself :D

well i've recently entered my week or so of manicness before i hit depression but hopefully this time wont be bad.... anyway i've decided im unhappy because im fat so i'm gonna lose 50 pounds even though my mother says that will be way to skinny what the fuck does she know? i'm going for it  I'm 5'10 so im never going to be able to weigh 120 like i want to but i don't care as long as i look skinny i'm gonna be happy (probably not) oh well skinny here i come.
I also decided if i do get as thin as i want im getting my nose pierced and my hair dyed as a reward and i might start eating like one small sweet thing a week or so IF i get skinny for now its no sweets and low carbs for me salads here i come.

Cannot think of a good title so this is it

I really wish my violin had all its strings. it would be so beautiful to play right now. Im already thinking of new songs... meh maybe i'll play it with only 3 strings for a while.

joey....

what can i say about him....I feel as if hes the only one to keep me stable

Stalker

I miss my old type of stalker who used to ask me to marry him and fallow me through out the class. he was sweet and loving, and oddly enough one of my closets friends, my new stalkers suck. They need to reach his awesomeness level!

Well what can i say but mario, virgin, and raiding gas sations?

well for the past few days i have been completely addicted to playing paper mario on the wii. It is an amazing game if i ever played one and i praise the creator. On another note i have this craving to runaway and go live in clarks (a deserted old gas station/ store of BP's). It seems so homey in there. I could even take my cat Draco and live almost undetected.

The ofcourse is my story idea: The last virgin

After 500 year the world had become a place of lust and desire. Scientists strive to perfect the human cloning process for the fertility level of women is devastatingly low. Its to the point that no woman older than 30 can even bare children. April 9th 2510, 30 women give birth. If none of the 12 girls can stay pure they shall be the last humans born into this world. But how easy can it be when those who rule seek to destroy you?

Thats the summary ^.^ just a little idea lol.

diet

well i wanna be skinny so my plan is that after tomorrow im only drinking this with 5 calories or less and im pretty much going to live on my meal replacement bars and ofcourse im gonna exercise for at least 40 minutes a day

ME

This is  me
What a freak
I’m a story
Little Liar
I hide my pain, behind glazy eyes
Cry baby
My anger will rise
Bully
But I shall fall
Wimp
I stay alone
Loser
Waiting
Hater
I’m not the prettiest
Fugly bitch
I’m too tall
Giant
Yet I blend in
Invisible


Pretending to be normal
Hiding in a disguise
I loved when you helped me
But it was a lie
You broke  me
Hurt me
I was a void of pain
Unloved, crushed


Forever  my scared heart will burn
Freak
Liar
Cry baby
Bully
Wimp
Loser
Hater
Fugly bitch
Giant
Invisible
ME

tattoo/Religon

This is the wiccan tatoo i really want to get

 I love the nots ^V^

I also wannt long swirl wings on my shoulder blades (no pick cause i have to draw um)

then ofcourse a disgusting ripped heart type thing or something dark ^x^

Mother oh how you make me want to gut myself-I love you

I love how you like to yell till i cry and then tell me how much of a horrible shit i am while i'm having an episode crying screaming and pulling my hair almost making it fall out.


I love how you act all proud  for giving birth and taking care of me at 16 when really you just bitched at me and pawned me off to your family and friends.

why didn't you just abort me and save me this life of not being able to trust anyone and hating men because you couldn't just marry the one guy who put up with your shit! I hate how you must always ask me if you'll ever get married or come and cry on me because i cut myself when your the mother who is ment to be strong so i can break down and cry on your shoulder when i need to.

I hate how you say your proud of me as long as i try and then when i bring home as in all classes but a one which has a B you say i need to try harder to get to high school and that i could do better if i tried and to stop slacking and pressure me til i break down and cry.

mommy i love you

The world or so it seems

Here I stand bare
exposed to the world
Poked and prodded
until stabbing becomes best
no need to keep me down
when all i do is rest

mending the broken
or so it shall seem
fixing the oddities in life's perfect reflection

How a dreary rain seems to call out my best
How a simple request makes me tremble
the anger i do not mean to cause
the tears you do not realize have fallen

In war its only seconds before blood is shed
Those who seek refuge are hostage
Fighting is hopeless
When in the end the winner always dies

So shall i stay to rot away
or simple let them consume
pushing myself deeper towards the end
farther and farther from view
surrounded by the dead and free
cackling at my plea

I shall run and ruin myself
as that's the way it must be
in this world normal is death
and this world freedom ain't free
there will always be a price on happiness
and as I needn't pay the fee